The National Parents Organization just released its 2019 Shared Parenting Report Card which is done every 5 years. The report raises a clear issue. Why must kids miss out on certain family relationships when parents divorce or separate? It’s cruel to have children who love both parents suddenly lose access to everything they knew.  It’s cruel to relegate one parent as a “visitor” instead of a parent.

There are several reasons for this travesty. Biased and unfair court systems, as well as unstable, angry parents are some of the primary contributors towards the alienation of a non-custodial parent from the lives of their children.

Our culture is due for a drastic paradigm shift. It’s time to stop seeing one parent as the better default and the other as just a visitor. These assumptions are often sexist and outdated.

Family courts usually pick one parent  to “win custody.” However, in the long run, the children are the biggest losers. When one side of their family suddenly is cut off, children have a strained relationship with not only the non-custodial parent, but the extended family as well. For example, they may rarely see their aunts, uncles, cousins and/or grandparents who they used to see frequently. Extended family relationships are often a vital support system. 

Social scientists have concluded that barring the presence of abuse, children are better off when both parents play a meaningful role in their lives. This is best achieved through equitable custody and parenting time.

Shared parenting is generally defined as equal decision making and equal parenting time. Shared parenting arrangements after divorce or separation are desired by children. It makes them happier, improves their school performance, and decreases delinquency. Shared parenting also gives both parents the chance to work, relax, start new businesses, form new romantic relationships and actively participate in their children’s lives. 

 In 2018, Kentucky became the first state to make shared parenting the basis for parents during a divorce or separation. Shared parenting means that time with the kids is equally split in half — and the onus is on one parent to argue in court that the other parent should have less time. Kentucky statutes declare that “there shall be a presumption, rebuttable by a preponderance of evidence, that joint custody and equally shared parenting time is in the best interest of the child.”

More than 20 states have recently considered laws to promote shared custody of children after divorce. Let’s help bring each state into the 21st century and do what’s right for our children. An update in matrimonial law would mean neither parent is afraid of losing significant contact with their children simply because they no longer wish to live together. 

When people divorce or separate, it doesn’t end the family, it just rearranges it.

For more info, contact me at ClaytonCraddock@nationalparentsorganization.org