Last Saturday, I sat in my drum booth in-between shows and did a little practicing. I scrolled through some of my favorite songs on certain playlists and just happened to come across the album by Lenny Kravitz called “5.”

I feel it’s, by far, his best and most consistent album. One of my favorites is the song “Thinking Of You.”

When the album was released in 1998, I was not thinking about folks around me dying. I was working hard at becoming a full time musician and was having a great time as a single man in New York City. As I got older, some close friends died and life happened. I certainly have become much more thoughtful and aware of the fragility of life. Nowadays, I take very little for granted and do my best to enjoy each minute as it comes.

When I heard this song, I found it haunting. Lenny wrote it as a tribute to his mother who had recently passed. I always liked the tune and often thought of my mother while listening to Lenny’s lyrics.

As I got older, I made sure I called my parents at least once a week. I called for special occasions and just because I wanted to hear their voices. I can still talk to my father. I spoke to him last Saturday to wish him a happy 84th birthday. He’s still alive and kicking and doing relatively well. My mom? A different story.

Last fall my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. She died a few months later at home on April 28th. I spent as much time as I possibly could with her over the past few years because I knew her time was limited. Once I knew she was fading away, I did all I could to be close to her.

One think I made sure I accomplished before she passed was to get her to see my new show Ain’t Too Proud here at the Imperial Theatre. She and my father made it. I was choked up at the end of the show because I knew this was the last time she’d see me perform.

My mom was always supportive of my drumming. She drove me to my drum lessons back in the mid 70’s and bought me my first professional drum set back in 1999. She was there for me for so many things and I was so happy to see her make it to NYC even though she was weak and in a wheelchair.

Today would have been her 86th birthday (August 10th). I have been thinking of her a lot. Last week when I put the song on, I stopped playing my drums and sat down and cried. It was the first time I wept since her death. It’s weird to me because I feel like I should cry a lot more. Maybe it’s my way of grieving.

I actually smile when I see pictures of my mother. I do the same when I view the private videos I’ve taken over the years. They seem to bring me joy.

This song brings me sorrow. I guess it’s the realization that I can’t call her to wish her a happy birthday today, or speak with her ever again.

Yes, I’m thinking of her, and all the things she wanted me to be…and I’m trying now.

 

Clayton Craddock is an independent thinker, father of two beautiful children in New York City. He has written about fatherhood, societal change and parenting over many years and is currently finishing a memoir. Clayton is also the drummer of the hit broadway musical Ain’t Too Proud. He earned a Bachelor of Business Administration from Howard University’s School of Business and is a 25 year veteran of the fast paced New York City music scene. He has played drums in a number of hit broadway and off-broadway musicals including “Tick, tick…BOOM!, Altar Boyz, Memphis The Musical and Lady Day At Emerson’s Bar and Grill. In addition, Clayton has worked on: Footloose, Motown, The Color Purple, Rent, Little Shop of Horrors, Evita, Cats, and Avenue Q.