An excerpt: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ed-housewright/why-cant-divorced-men-com_b_1135625.html?
Actually, her leaving is much more likely to increase a man’s interest than to badger him about making a commitment. I think women need to be more assertive and better negotiators in relationships.
Say what you want up front, such as, “I need to know in three months whether you can commit. I don’t want to date forever. I need to know where we’re headed.”
That’s a strong negotiating position. If she’s really serious, she puts the ball in the guy’s court and makes him analyze how he really feels about the woman.
This approach is much better than the woman saying to herself, I hope he commits soon. Why won’t he commit? He should. What’s he waiting for?
If she doesn’t put her cards on the table, she’ll get angrier and angrier. She’ll become passively aggressive to the guy or downright bitchy. She’ll start wanting an answer on the commitment question now.
Meanwhile, the guy steadily backpedals and looks for an escape route.
I get sick of seeing articles on why men in general won’t commit. Do a Google search, and you’ll find dozens and dozens of articles. Here’s a sampling of the headlines:
• Is He Commitment Phobic?
• If He Won’t Commit Now, Will He Ever?
• How to Spot a Man Who Won’t Commit
• 10 Tips for Getting Your Man to CommitI say most relationship experts make the commitment question far too difficult.
Again, I repeat my advice: A woman should tell a man clearly that she wants a commitment by a certain date. That’s all. He’ll realize your position and respect it. He won’t feel manipulated and browbeat.
Bottom line: Men understand negotiations, and a relationship sometimes requires negotiation.
Read the entire piece HERE
I agree. Threats without follow thru don’t work well, in hopes of scaring others. Badgering feels like his mother and old tapes from childhood. Telling what you want or need, by a date, and being willing to take action, matter of fact, no drama, makes more sense to guys. I’m not saying all guys will respond well but better to be with a guy who really wants you to commit to you than it becoming a one way street with hopes he will change his feelings eventually. The movie based on the book – He’s really not into you’ – exposes some of these things. I’ve seen women break up with a guy after being together for some time, and then they guy hooks up with another woman and marries her soon enough. In some ways, the 1st woman dodged a bullet and saved some time. As much as people say guys have a biological clock, it is not as loud or significant as a woman’s biological clock. Breaking up does not mean you might not get back together and doing it as a matter of fact or negotiation makes a difference vs. the drama and emotions sometimes involved