I recently had a discussion with some colleagues about the crazy gigs we all used to have when we first started in the music business. I chimed in about one gig I did in Jamaica Queens that started at 9PM and ended at 3AM. We played six 30 minute sets, playing be-bop all night long at 500MPH for old black ladies. These ladies would look up from the bar from time to time with sad faces to see if this was the last set that we were going to play. I’m sure they wondered when we were going to stop trying to impress them and play some down home blues. Once they discovered we had four more to go, they went back to their conversations and sipped more of their Chivas Regal.

One guy in the discussion told a story about how he would record in a studio all day, play a broadway show at night, then head out afterward and have a late night set at a club.

Another chimed in and let us know how he used to play a gig that started at 11PM and ended at 7AM. The discussion pretty much ended there.

Well, almost.

After I said, “Hell no, I couldn’t do that kind of gig,” I was met with a little opposition from one fellow musician listening to the back and forth one-upsmanship. He asked, “If you love playing music, why wouldn’t you take that gig?” I didn’t go into too much detail at that moment why I wouldn’t, but I will here in this post.

I’ve heard the saying “A gig is a gig is a gig.” I’ve also heard that you should accept every gig because you never know what could come out of it. This might be true for someone who is young, hungry and has few other responsibilities. I was once all of those things. When came to New York in 1993, I was excited. I was eager to learn, willing to sacrifice sleep to meet the right musicians. I would take any gig anywhere.

It paid off in the long run.

I remember playing in ten different bands at one time a few years after I arrived in New York City. There was one night where I played with three different bands at the same place – one right after another. If I remember correctly, it was a singer songwriter first, then a fusion band, then I ended the night performing with a world music/hip-hop collective. It was pretty incredible and a whole lot of fun.

Back in the 1990’s, I would go work at my day job from 8AM-6PM then head into the city looking for jam sessions or other places where musicians would hang out. I’d wind up getting back home at 2AM. I’d get a few hours of sleep then do it all over again – all week. At one point in the mid 2000’s, I worked at a bank during the day, taught drum lessons from 6:30PM-7:30PM, then ran to my off-Broadway show at 8PM and played until 10:30PM. On the weekends, I would play my matinees at my show and play weddings each weekend night.

I was not a stranger to the hustle of a New York City musician. Not at all. I’ve been there and done that.

But…

I won’t do what I used to do when I was younger. Often times, I can’t. I am too exhausted to keep up with the kind of schedule I used to have when I was 25.

I can say no to gigs now. I don’t need to play gigs that start at a crazy hour because I need sleep. I also have kids who I want to spend time with. I will say no to a $50 gig that is 6 hours long. Why? I’d rather spend that time with my girlfriend, read a book or not put myself through the agony of dragging drums around at this point in my life. I also don’t want to play several gigs, in three different bands, in one night anymore. I am fortunate enough to have a network of musicians established in this city who call on me for sessions, gigs, tours and shows that no longer require crazy hours.

I can say no to certain things because of the many years of hustling, networking, and yes, taking those crazy gigs early in my career. Having the ability to say no comes from many years of saying yes…to everything. If a musician is doing the same types of gigs they used to do when they first started in the business, either they like what they are doing, or they haven’t made a conscious effort to move forward.

At a certain point in any career, you might want to do different things. You might want to earn more income or even experience a different part of the business you are in. Those who are go-getters and high achievers might find staying static uninteresting and stifling.

Whenever someone asks me about a gig nowadays, I have a list of questions I need answered before I say yes. If they aren’t answered to my satisfaction, I have no problem saying NO. It’s actually quite empowering when I do turn down a gig even when I might need the money. Inevitably, something better comes along.