When will things get better. Does this ever end?

Those were two things I asked several men while I was going through my divorce. Many of them said, “NO!”

I say yes. But, only if certain things take place before you get divorced. If I had allowed state mandated child supports payments or alimony to get in the middle of the relationship I have with my ex-wife and kids, I might be singing a different tune. I refused to have that happen and I’m glad I took a stance.

Since my ex and I have been divorced we have been able to actually go out to dinner together with the kids a few times and actually have a good time together. I do know my limits with our relationship. There is no need to pretend with our kids that we are getting back together or things are perfect. They aren’t. There are clear reasons why we still are not married, but we can get along because it is only her and I dealing with our children, not any state government. No judge tells us how to spend our money, no judge ordering us exactly when and where we can see our kids, and there is no judge that we have to see when financial times get rough for either of us.

There is a lot less anger between us and I have a feeling that things can only get better. But, we have to be on the same page to keep this up. I have a feeling that if there were court orders and continuous trips back down to family court, there would be no family dinner, no switching of days we see the kids, no exchange of money not mandated in our divorce settlement, no splitting of the kids where she has one child and I have the other all day, and there would be very little trust.

The divorce industry does much more harm than good in my opinion. It only makes the relationship between mother and father more complicated and encourages bad behavior. When you think about it, did you need the government to dictate the day-to-day activities when you were married? Did you spend 25% of your gross income on the children for “child support” when you were living together? Did you see your kids 4 days month as a father before you got divorced? If so, then hey, continue that way of living after your divorce. If not, then we should question why our state laws are written the way they are. Why gross income? Who relegated fatherhood to four days a month? Why permanent alimony for any length of marriage?

Just a few thoughts.