TED DAVID, NEW YORK
I agree with the comment that getting married should be the hard thing. Getting divorced should be easier and not seen as something to be ashamed of. I certainly don’t view the divorced as failures. They are moving on to a better place. Good for them.
We fail younger people when we don’t teach them our experiences in marriage. I don’t recall anyone ever talking to me about marriage. You are just supposed “to know when it’s right.” My advice to those contemplating marriage, or better, getting engaged: What do you have in common with your significant other — name five things you both enjoy together. Are you on the same page regarding politics, kids, alcohol, money, house chores, what to do with free time? Who’s doing the house chores, cleaning, grocery shopping? Talk about everything now before you get married. Think long and hard about who your partner is, where they came from, his or her parents. Does this person share your values and what you like to do?
That’s probably the best advice I would give — when thinking about choosing a partner, be selfish. Does this person share your values, your likes and dislikes, your ideas on how to live life? Marriage deserves a harder analysis than it is given. It is the duty of those who are and have been married to help younger people make the decision which in my opinion is the greatest determinant of one’s happiness.