An excerpt from a Glenn Sacks post but is no longer available. Here is more info:
Thirty-five years ago today, Lillian White gave birth to her youngest son. Yesterday, she knelt down and kissed his coffin at his graveside.
Darrin White committed suicide two weeks ago in Prince George, B.C., after a judge ordered him to pay his estranged wife twice his take-home pay in child support and alimony each month.
In death he has become a poignant symbol of family courts gone awry, of a divorce system run by people with closed minds, hard hearts and deaf ears.
Across the country last evening, activists held candlelight vigils in memory of men such as Darrin. During his funeral Mass, Father Leo Fernandes of St. Augustine’s Roman Catholic Church urged Darrin’s friends to continue the struggle to which he succumbed.
Like those who completed Puccini’s last opera after his death, Father Fernandes said people close to Darrin should ask themselves: “What are you going to do about it? Hopefully, there is more. It is up to you, his friends, to accomplish what he was unable to. If his dream was to challenge the scales of justice in our country, then so be it. Do it for his sake.”
Darrin wasn’t a complicated man. He liked taking nature walks and enjoyed cycling. He read books about the outdoors and loved animals. He was a certified locomotive engineer who earned his living driving trains first for Canadian National, then the British Columbia railway.
When his marriage fell apart in January, Darrin found himself in a situation shared by many men. While he had worked long hours doing what society told him a father was supposed to do — bringing home the bacon — his devotion became a strike against him.
In a country that still treats children as prizes to be “won” in divorce court rather than as human beings entitled to close contact with both of their parents, the fact that Darrin had not spent as much time with his children as his homemaker wife was deemed sufficient reason to award her sole custody.
Suddenly alone, compelled to leave his home with less than 48 hours’ notice, expected to come up with rent money as well as lawyers’ retainers, and missing shifts at work due to court dates, Darrin found himself criticized for not paying his estranged wife (who, unlike him, was eligible for social assistance) child support during this chaotic period.
Perhaps, during these weeks, it began to dawn on Darrin how vulnerable his relationships with his children, aged five , nine and 10 had now become (his oldest child, aged 14, from a previous relationship lives with her mother in Saskatchewan). Perhaps other divorced dads told Darrin of former wives brainwashing their kids against them, frustrating court-ordered child access while suffering no legal consequences, and behaving as though the kids should call every new boyfriend “dad.”
All divorced mothers don’t behave this way, of course, but enough do to make such fears reasonable. Yet society provides no services to help loving, responsible, traumatized dads deal with such stresses.
Researchers have known for decades that divorce is much harder on men than it is on women. We know that men who undergo marital breakdown experience significantly higher rates of suicide, mental illness, physical health problems and accidents than do women. Yet we remain indifferent to their anguish.
The original was here: http://www.glennsacks.com/darrin_whites_story.htm
Thank you for writing this story
Deaths like this one are happening everyday and have for a long time and for the most they are ignored.Family court should be there to help the whole family not to ruin one parent to benifit the other one.Family court reform is way over due.
This is heartbreaking. I can understand how this man felt as an alienated parent myself. Hopefully, he will rally a change in this broken system.
i’ve read that more than 30’000 dad’s kill themself in the pocess of loosing their kids and the diabolic custody and alimony laws.
This guy has much similarity with Jesus, since i believe he actually gave his live for all the other dads out there, conciously. His death shall not be in vain but deliver it’s message like it was Chriss’ last wish !!!
Save the dads and the children !
Put an end to divorces being a win in lottery for women ! This deeply insane and evil tyranny mist find and end once and forever !
But let alone someone calls a bossy bitch bossy ! OMG, opression, male privilige ( MALE PRIVILIGE ?!!?? ) See the priorities ? See the coldblooded narcissm of todays women ?
* i must correct myself a bit. Correct is :
More than 38’000+ dads kill themself in the pocess of loosing their kids and the diabolic custody and alimony laws, every year int eh US alone !
THIRTYEIGHTT H O U S A N D dads in a non-thirdworld country each single year !!!!
That is pretty much the same number of women that die on untreatable breastcancer per year ( 39’000 ) with one exception :
38’000 of 38’000 dads were 100% saveable, all 38’000 could easily live, if women stopped their sick ‘n sadistic fem-narcissm and and society and politics would stop enjoying them die !!
Stop killing dads !!!! Don’t be THAT woman !
Being a douche bag, isn’t going to get people on your side. This isn’t the result of feminism, this is the result of out dated laws BEFORE feminism.
False, it’s entirely gender-feminist.
Systemic oppression of fathers was instituted under the reign of a lesbian-feminist named Marion Boyd. It was the Ontario NDP and it was the 1990s. The NDP allowed her to become Attorney-general, where she vandalized the system to discriminate against all men.
http://youtu.be/0zn6zvEPgEg
and unless or until people get involved and support the mens rights movement things will never change. .
he wasn’t the first. he won’t be the last.
Total BS. I’m sorry for his poor and weak decision. I lost everything in my divorce as I was the penniless homemaker. I lost my home, every possession and last but not least kids to the abusive husband and father with a poor me sob story and the 90k pay. Now I work for under $10 hr taking care of disabled people who’s families refuse to take responsibility. Spare me the victimization.
Everyone can be a victim of the family law courts, male or female, that is why 50/50 reform needs to happen. However, at this time more women than men receive primary custody and men get visitation. Kids need both parents to be a substantial part of their lives. BOTH parents!
Nicole, I have a hard time believing you as well, BUT it many be true. If true… why so bitter? This poor man, his family and friends suffered two losses, the loss of him AND his child. That is devastating. Not everyone out there has the strength or mental capacity to soldier on as you have. You don’t know the intimate details as we’ve read a short story about his struggle and ultimate demise. I am so very sorry for you, as I also am a victim of this HELLISH KANGAROO COURT SYSTEM! But I also feel sorry for all of us, and firmly believe one day these people (I won’t call them judges or lawyers) that fight for, and make these decisions will meet THEIR ULTIMATE “FATHER” and PAY THE ULTIMATE PRICE!!!
Yes but it’s MOSTLY men who are victims in domestic court systems, NOT women. Men sometimes pay for children that aren’t biologically theirs.
Nicole, I really do not believe you. There has got to be way more to the story than you let on. I have been in touch with the results in the family court systems in the U. S. for over a decade. And I have never seen the wife homemaker not get equal compensation for the family assets, child support, and a certain amount of time for alimony to be able to get on their fee. So be ashamed of yourself for telling a half truth,,,,because a half truth is a whole lie. You are telling a much bigger story about yourself by what you didnt say than what you said. And shame on you for being so insulate to the loss of life,,,this truly shows that you have serious issues, and must obviously be a man hater, and you may need to see professional help.
VBT In the US its not necessarily a gender based issue. There are more and more women that are earning more than their husbands,,,,and thus end up having to pay permanent lifetime alimony to their ex husbands. As far as the bashing, the very skilled family court attorney manipulate the couples to fight, by promising one spouse that they are entitled to a huge amount of permanent lifetime alimony (that is just one avenue that they pursue) They take advantage of an emotionally charged circumstance in which both parties are vulnerable, and do this so the spouses will continue to fight over, sometimes even the smallest of things, so that this requires more litigation and the attorneys can charge more and strip the disabled couple of their wealth before they realize what has happened.
vicperdido, that same condition occurs here in Canada as well. I guess if anything my point is that no matter where you are in the world as a family, affected by the family law system of your country, you are being taken advantage of by that very system.
Since the system turns it into a competition, people involved look at it like it was their opponents fault that the outcome of the “litigation” (fight) affected them in adverse ways. What most of us forget in and after any fight is what caused an argument to turn into a battle.
In this case it’s a system based on making the most possible money out of what is often only an argument by turning it into a long drawn out court battle.
I’d just like people to realize this and put a lot of the bashing energy they expend on sites like this into supporting changes in a system that not only supports continuing these battles, but actually promoting it.
Until that happens, this and situations like it will just go on and on.
Back up a minute, how can you put her down if you DONT know her whole story? To me you are saying the same stuff that a lot of Mothers and Dads have been through! Depending on where you live in the US it can happen.
If you have no money and you have an abussive spouse, yes it can happen they are used to pointing the blame some where else! I’ve also seen where a person went to the Catholic Church and asked for help, they got them a Catholic lawyer n then somehow they got a Catholic judge! The other person was not a Catholic but raised Christian. When the lawyer asked a Catholic question and the spouse couldn’t answer it they were deemed a heathen! This was not stricken from the records even after the other lawyer challenged it!! I was sitting in the court room so this is NOT hear say!
Yes Nicole, there are stories like this from every gender… it seems the majority of “negative stories” are coming from men.
For me, this is not the point.
The point is, the legal system that attaches money to children motivates people to make un-parentlike decisions. “Win custody and win money” is the system that is setup around families and children.
So the outcome is now very predictable… be a horrible person or bully the other spouse or in your case, “be abusive and lie” and you’re likely to win.
In our system, one parent has to win in order to avoid losing. Children are collateral damage. THAT is the point.
The Divorce Act creates a situation that is negatively affecting children.
Well said Robert.
Well said Robert.
You’d think if your story were true, you’d be supportive of those advocating for family law reform. And your personal story (true or not), doesn’t disprove that this issue disproportionately affects men. but you will notice, unlike most feminist responses to these problems, the solutions proposed don’t favour men at the expense of women, they actually call for reasonable, gender neutral outcomes that would have been just as advantageous for you as it would be for other men… and yet, you lash out at those that have experienced the same thing you claim to have… makes me wonder who the real abuser was in your family.
You’re the exception to the rule. I’d like to know the particulars because there has to be more to the story than what you’re telling.
I dont believe your BS. So spare me your sob story
Nicole, you were not ordered to pay money that you did not have, and you never did not have to face imminent imprisonment as a result. Your story does not even compare to his. The men who are being asked to pay money they don’t have wish they got off as easily as you did.
I read the comments after this article and it again occurred to me how this always seems to be some sort of gender based competition. When it comes to family law needing to be reformed we’re really talking about the family law courts having to start looking at the realities of the issues involved instead of swaying to any sob story made up by either party in the dispute. We are talking about fairness regardless of who has the most money to proceed with litigation. We are talking about all the family being dealt with fairly including the children and both parents all having equal rights in the settlement. Instead of talking about this in the comments, we see men bashing women, women bashing men. Well if that’s the way we are going to do it, we’re beaten before we even start. Divided, we shall always be conquered.
VBT In the US its not necessarily a gender based issue. There are more and more women that are earning more than their husbands,,,,and thus end up having to pay permanent lifetime alimony to their ex husbands. As far as the bashing, the very skilled family court attorney manipulate the couples to fight, by promising one spouse that they are entitled to a huge amount of permanent lifetime alimony (that is just one avenue that they pursue) They take advantage of an emotionally charged circumstance in which both parties are vulnerable, and do this so the spouses will continue to fight over, sometimes even the smallest of things, so that this requires more litigation and the attorneys can charge more and strip the disabled couple of their wealth before they realize what has happened.
I think that courts should be agreed split custody no matter what unless abuse but has I be seen abuse not he said she said . As for child support , why should the man pay a large amount of child support when most of the time that money will be spent on the mother b.s it takes two to tango baby no one should pay support as long as both parents , parent the child or children then see how many women will give access to the men out there when money is not involved and personally court should only be once and that’s it settled . NO takin and taking and takin to court wasting all that tax payers money on b. s . Get some f responsability bitches and get a job and support your own used ass!!!!
Enough is Enough!! The ridiculous family court system needs to be held accountable for the victimization it has caused so many thousands of men! Reform or revolt!!!
How could they order him to pay twice his take home pay in child support? how is that possible? where was the money supposed to come from?
Louise, there are ways it can happen, which is another flaw in the system. A lot of people faced with divorce litigation for the first time in their lives do not even consult with a lawyer or believe they have lost and the litigation proceeds uncontested.
When that happens, whatever the other party has put in their motion can be awarded, whether or not they can afford it.
At minimum a financial statement should be filed with the other necessary response forms to avoid this happening, but a lot of times it does not occur.
Whether that is what happened here or not, I can’t say.
compensating mothers for not having a career, and demanding child support, but not compensating fathers with care for all the time they were working, all asif in the best childs interest while divorce/separation is not in the best childs interest, on the contrary, divorce/separation is child abuse, the perpetrators are being provided&protected, married to the state while children&fathers are being molested, due to the pseudological LIES femini$$m-samesexuality-atheism!
In the State of Virginia last month, an attorney received a court order concerning his male client’s visitation with his children. (His client had to move to TX for a job and his wife refused to relocate. Of course the children stayed with her. After he left she said she wanted out of the marriage, but they are not divorced yet.) The attorney told the client that he was good to go with picking the children up for their spring break. Which he did baring all the travel expenses taking a day each way by car. There was no mention of a court order or a specified time to return the children. The client returned the children over the weekend so they could attend school on Monday. The client was told by his wife that there was a specified drop off time and he missed it. Therefore, he would not visit the children this summer. The wife just informed the client (her husband) today that something was filed in court recently to prevent him from having the children (5 & 7 year old girls) this summer. She claimed not to know what was filed because she said she doesn’t handle her legal affairs, her parents do. The client found out today that his wife had filed a petition that they girls cannot leave the State of VA and that he would only be allowed supervised visits. The attorney supposedly signed off on this. The attorney supposedly knew their was a time limit during Spring Break. The client was made aware of this from the children’s GAL who has ignored all of the client’s concerns about the girls’ welfare while living with their mother. The attorney won’t speak to the client anymore because there is an outstanding bill and he does not accept payment plans. The client is my 30 year old nephew who is a veteran of the US Army. He has been married over 8 years and dated his wife for 2. He raised her then infant son and recently found out that his wife kept the son from his father. He is now not allowed to see the boy he raised because he is not the biological father. You better believe I will be on the phone with this attorney and GAL tomorrow. I’m going to find out who the judge is as well. Somebody is going to explain this hot mess to me. Somebody is also going to tell me why my nieces are covered by my nephew’s health insurance, but their mother has them on Medicaid. Sounds like fraud to me. Somebody is going to explain to me why my nephew cannot have his daughters this summer, which means our family has no time with them either. They were with us all last summer. Somebody is going to tell me why my sister, the paternal grandmother, cannot spend time with her granddaughters, while the maternal grandparents see them whenever they want. Somebody is going to tell me why these girls’ maternal grandfather, some big wig Army Vet has this much clout to run the show in court. Somebody is going to tell me something. You better believe I’m going to be blasting this story all over social media. My nephew is like the son I never had. I refuse to see him suffer and I certainly don’t want to have to face what these parents are facing.
I feel his pain. Stuck in a very similar position.. The conditional bias applied based on 17th century law, based rich man’s power to adultery, have child then skip along to the next women, to a spectrum where the 21st century father is now considered a bank cheque in modern society where both parents work. One a real reflection of love should applied. A child wants mummy and daddy, no one or the other. Unfortunately too many enuendos apply in civil courts one person vs another.
It’s what they do to you. The solicitors are just abusers that can’t add up. They will have viewed this as a good result. It is a foreseeable result of their actions and they should be sued. How many more people have to die just because they can’t bend reality.